Wedding Bell Blues

I was saddened last week by the news of the break up of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It may seem trivial in the scheme of national and world events that are shaking our world right now, but it does have further ramifications in terms of society and our the way we see ourselves.

I am not a big fan of either of them, but it seemed that they were so happy. There was reason to celebrate. Though there were some laughs at Tom's joyful couch jump, it was kind of nice to see unbridled enthusiasm for marriage, the man asking, "Will you?", the girl saying "Yes!" That was only five years ago.

Unfortunately, the idea of marriage and the wedding has changed so much. Every since the commercialism following the industrial age, women going to work while men went to war, traditional roles changing, it seems some of the true meaning has departed. In the high profile celebrity world, it's all about THE BIG DAY, and not making a life over the long haul. And so, as we follow the celebs, we get caught up, too. Even a great deal of happiness is never enough. We always want something more, something better to be found heaven-knows-where, with that illusive thing that begins to haunt, and next thing we know, we need to go in search of it, and leave valuable things behind.

In the 18th Century, of course, there was pomp and excitement for the big day, but some of the customs were quaint and simple and charming. The bride and groom were expected to wear their best, but they did not have to go to the lengths couples are expected to go to today. Gowns are costing, in some cases, $5,000-$10,000; shoes, $1,000. The cake $1,000. There must be the party before the party (bachelor and bachelorette events, and some of these are pretty tawdry). The list of extravagances goes on and on.

In the military wedding, the bride wore her best, the man his military uniform. I just love the passing under the swords on the way out of the church! And the cake was cut with a sword as well. How chivalrous!

A bride of the late eighteenth century did not sew the last stitch of her wedding dress until it was time to leave for the church. Note: SHE must not sew the last stitch; she or her family probably made the gown. The hem of the gown often had a blue band around the hem, a sign of purity. The white dress was a sign of joy, not purity!

It was said that the first one to buy something after the wedding would dominate the relationship. Brides sometimes arranged to buy a pin from a bridesmaid! ha ha!

In Germany, the bride would step over piles of broken dishes. The night before was the "Polterbend", where friends and family smashed all the chipped crockery getting rid of the old, and make way for the new!

Granted, in the earlier 1700's, ceremonies were more elaborate, with towering powdered wigs and satin breeches for the upper echelon and the royals, but by the end of the century, the French and American Revolutions changed everything. The common man ruled, and the extravagances of the elite were overthrown. The spirit of democracy brought simpler guidelines and etiquette. The ancient Greek revival brought streamlined empire gowns. Veils were replaced with wreaths of myrtle and roses. Funny how the political scene can play a part.

Don't get me wrong... it's wonderful for the DAY to be as beautiful as possible, as long as the couple doesn't forget why they are there. Sadly, I guess Tom and Katie did (not katydid!)